It's the little things

The older I get and the worse I feel I tend to be grateful for the little things.  Last week we had a major snowfall and that caused us to have two days off school.  Two absolutley delicious and precious days at home where I could rest when I wanted to and just be without living by a schedule imposed on me by others.  It didn't hurt one whit that the snow outside was really pretty either. 

I took some really nice pictures of the snow and that's another wonderful thing.  I love to take pictures.  Not like a photographer but just something that reminds me of a place or time when I was enjoying something.  I was looking through some of the pictures that I've taken in the last year or so the other day and realized that most of them are nature pictures.  The sight of beautiful flowers, trees in bloom or a butterfly just blow me away.  I also take a lot of  pictures of my dogs.  They are sweet and cute and sometimes just downright silly.  They are fantastic little models for me.  I find that I take pictures of my children as often as possible too.  As they will be out in the world on their own in far too short a time I feel the need to capture every moment I can with them.  One of my favorites is a candid shot of the two of them playing chess on the living room floor.  They don't get to see each other very often so it was truly a rare moment that I caught. 

One of the little things that means a lot to me and for which I will forever be grateful are dogs.  Not just my sweet little guys, though I totally adore them, but dogs in general.  I've had the pleasure of being around quite a few dogs this weekend from the teeniest of teacup chihuahuas to giant great danes.  The pet expo was this weekend and we were there with bells on.  We just love every minute of it.  I was pleased to meet some doggie friends to my husband's and happy to get to pet all manner of dog to my heart's content.  It was also nice this morning to be loved on by my doctor's dog.  He's at the office all day and he knows I'm a dog person.  I look forward each day to the crazy run around greeting I get from my boys each afternoon and to the numerous kisses that they give to me when they finally slow down enough.  I relish every moment of cuddling one or the other (or sometimes both) on my lap while I read or knit each evening.  Oh how I wish I was home curled up with them right now!  I cant keep my eyes open so curling up with them would be wonderful. 

I could list lots of wonderful things that may seem little to some but seem just splendid to me, like chamomile tea, lovely fruit teas, the warm heat from the air exchange behind my desk, the smell of fresh coffee, hugs from my favorite people, the joy in my advisees voices when i walked in this morning and so many more that it would take me forever to list them all.  I hope you all have a wonderful week and that the snow, rain, sleet, freezing rain or whatever it is that we get doesn't make your life difficult. 

Shoes

OK, ladies I know I have your attention.  Guys, you might be able to relate to this too as I promise not to mention Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo.  Come on boys, wake up and pay attention.  This also does not have to do with the shoe being "cute".  I'm so beyond looking at shoes for "cute". 

Let's put first things first.  Your feet should not be taken for granted.  If you didn't have them where would you be?  In a wheel chair of course and you don't want to go there.  Your feet carry you through your day from the time you step out of bed to the time you return to said cozy comfy place at night. Without your lovely feet your day would just be downright hard, weird, difficult...I could go on and on but I won't.  You get the picture. 

Remember the other day when I mentioned the bone shattering pain in my feet?  I'm sure you do as the idea of it freaked out my daughter so I'm sure it did the same to some of you.  Well, since walking became something that I truly feared (I'm not kidding, I was actually terrified to get up from a chair, out of bed, step out of the car or any other action that involved stepping with my feet.) my husband suggested that I look for shoes that were cushioned enough on the inside to at least make walking not quite so difficult.  We looked and looked and looked and looked until I really couldn't walk anymore and then I researched on the internet.  The internet is my friend because I can pre-shop and then walk in and just get what I want and leave a store.  So, anyhow, I found something online that looked like it might work and I found out where they were sold.  Much to my chagrin they did not fit my feet well.  Luckily the gentleman in the store suggested a couple of other stores that specialize in foot problems that might have something for me.  We went on our merry way and found the first store to be closed.  This turned out to be serrendipitous because the second store had lots to look at and try on. 

I tried on many shoes and as I walked around the store with one pair on I spotted something on the clearance rack that looked funky and felt squishy.  Well, funky and squishy is just up my alley.  I tried them on and WOW!!!! I could walk without feeling quite as much like my feet were shattering.  WHAT A FEELING! You think I'm being a little too over the top but I'm really not.  If you had this  pain in your feet you would feel like singing a shoe's praise too. 

Now, no shoe is perfect but if I can keep a shoe on for more than a short while without wanting to cry I'd say that's pretty good.  Now when the foot pain things subsides for a bit (as I know it will since my fibromyalgia pain tends to go on little traveling sprees around my body) I'll wear other shoes for a while.  In the meantime I'm looking at getting at least one more pair of these so I can wear them with everything.  Now I am prepared for when foot pain takes me over (or should I say runs me over). 

So now I can tell you that I am grateful for many things on this day.  My new shoes, my feet, the shoestore that had the shoes, the guy who worked in the first store for directing me to the others, the guy who actually sold me the shoes, my husband for suggesting that I get something more comfy and for looking everywhere with me, the internet for helping with the shopping, the pain being less, the long weekend for staying off my feet and all of you for being my friends and reading my rants.  Love you all. 

So Sad

My little inspiration died about an hour and a half ago.  She was a very strong little girl who fought an incredibly tough battle.  My love and prayers go out to her family.  She will be greatly missed by many people. 

It's Friday

I've made it through another week.  The weeks immediately following the winter holiday break just seem to last forever.  It's almost painful in and of itself.  The kids don't seem any happier about having to get back to the grind than we do.  Ah well, we're that much closer to spring break and summer. 

I was going to title this post Bone Shattering but I thought it might scare anyone who reads this.  The last two days have taught me just what bone shattering means.  Just about every step I take causes pain in my feet that feels just that, bone shattering.  If feels like something is inside my feet and it explodes causing my bones to shatter.  Needless to say I'm trying to stay off my feet as much as possible.  The left foot is clearly worse than the right so I'm going to try my cane this weekend and see if that helps.  Thank heaven I use a computer in my teaching so when I stay put and type everything onto the screen at the front of my room no one blinks.  If they only knew that coming to answer an individual question causes me to want to cry.  I'm glad I love what I do.  It's definitely getting me through the day. 

There's a blog that I read regularly about a little girl who is related to a friend of mine.  She's going to turn 5 the week after next.  She has a very ugly form of brain cancer.  She's been fighting this disease for 33 months now.  While there are many things she can't do now, including talk, eat (without the aid of a feeding tube) and walk, among other things, she's still the strongest person I've ever known.  She communicates with her eyes.  She still shows emotion.  She still loves her parents who are also unbelievably strong.  She loves her little brother (who thankfully is healthy).  I may feel absolutely rotten many days but then I think about this very special little girl and I know I can get through because her family and she are making it through.  She's an inspiration to me.  I wonder what this incredible almost 5 year old would think if she knew how much strength she gives to me just by continuing to live each day. 

The Fog

No, I'm not talking about the weather.  That would be cold and windy with a chance of impending snow (doom?).  Have you ever just plain out forgotten something?  I mean like why you got up from your chair or where you're going when you're driving to work along the same route that you've taken for the past 15 years.  If you've ever experienced this then you know what the fog is all about.  You see, one of the most annoying things about fibromyalgia is the fog, better known as fibro fog.  I'm struggling to write this because every so often I have to look at the title to remind myself of what I'm writing.  Some days it's not quite this bad but today is one of the foggiest. I'm not sure how many times I've walked out of my room (at work) and forgotten why I've left and where I planned to go.  Thank heaven people around here use email and that reminds me of where I need to be and when.  As long as I can get my daughter and myself home I'll be in good shape.  Hmmm...it might help if I continue to remember my own name.  Sometimes I'm just not sure what that is.  :)  You think I'm kidding don't you.  Surprise, I'm not.  :(

I'm not complaining.  My husband has been really good about helping me remember what I'm supposed to do and sometimes how to do something.  At least I have a support systerm for help.  My trusty iPhone is always there to tell me what I'm forgetting, folks at work keep me remembering and my kids and husband don't let me forget if it has to do with them. 

The real flipside of the fog is that sometimes I have no clue what someone said so I don't get mad.  Reality is, this condition makes you start to prioritize, not take things for granted and be completely grateful for those around me.  All in all it's really ok.  Now folks it's time for me to go do something.  Just can't remember what...

The Mall

Happy Sunday all!  I went to a mall last night with my husband.  We had a couple of errands to run there and we had dinner.  (Yes, date night when you get a little older, combine the errands with a quick meal in the mall.) I was fine through dinner (which was only after briefly looking at the store through which we walked to get to dinner).  After dinner we started to walk to the 3 stores where we had planned to go and after the first one the pain hit.  Legs, arms, back, you name it, it hurt! Funny thing though, that wasn't the main thing on my mind.  I was really marveling at the fact that so many women were walking around the mall in ultra high spiked heels!!!! How the blazes do women walk around in those??? When I go to the mall (even when I was well) I wore shoes that were made for walking.  Now, I know that when I was young I could wear heels fairly easily for extended periods of time but I still never walked around a mall in them.  Now, I know my pain really made me notice the shoes since anyone I've ever met in my situation looks at heels with horror but still, walking a mall (many with small child/baby in tow) just seems like a ridiculous shout to the world for less than positive attention. 

OK, I'll get off my soap box, at least about that topic.  The other thing (well, one of them) about going to the mall are the huge groups of kids who just don't get out of the way.  I know that I'm sounding really old right now but I was shocked by the crowds of young people who either wouldn't get out of the way or who were walking so closely to our backs that I felt like I was a part of their conversation.  We had to move several times because groups of kids were close enough to step on the backs of our (comfortable) shoes. 

I'm done now.  I'm going to do the errands that must be done today and hopefully not cry from the pain in public.  Looking forward to getting home and sitting down in front of a football game. 

You Don't Know Me

Hey there world!  Even if you think you know me you really don't.  I live in the same world as you but much of my life is off the grid that you inhabit.  You see, while you can do whatever it is you choose to do I can't always do that but when you look at me you probably don't know that.  You see, I have some health issues that you just can't see.  The one that some people realize I have is asthma.  Chronic bronchitis adds to that so there are lots of times when I just can't walk anywhere because I get out of breath so easily.  I've learned to sort of work around that.  Inhalers are great tools to make me get around the whole lung issue.  You might notice that I eat differently than most of you too.  That's because I also have celiac disease.  It's ugly but thankfully we caught it and I went gluten free.  As long as no surprise gluten appears in my food I'm pretty safe.  I rarely eat something that someone else has made so I  do a lot of cooking and have become quite creative.  Lucky for me I'm pretty good at it too.  The one that you probably don't know anything about is fibromyalgia.  That one stops me dead in my tracks more days than I care to remember.  You can't see my condition so you may think I'm just making it up but, no, it's very real and very much way beyond anything I ever thought I could deal with. 

I named my blog, Can't Catch Me, because you can't catch any of what I deal with every day.  You should consider yourself lucky.  You don't want what I have.  Trust me. 

So, here I sit with some challenging conditions.  I bet some of you are thinking that I'm sitting at home in my pjs drinking hot chocolate curled up in my favorite chair.  Well, no, I'm not and I don't get to do that except on the weekend or at vacation time.  Yup, you've got it, I work full-time. I'm a teacher so I'm at work very early in the morning and while I can sometimes get out by 4 much of the year I'm at work till at least 5 (and that's after getting there before 7 in the morning).  I'm not complaining about my job.  I love what I do, the kids with whom I work and my colleagues.  I'm beyond lucky that way.  You see, that's not all I do with my time.  I also have a family, a husband, two teenagers and two crazy dogs.  I come home and cook a full dinner every night, do laundry (though my husband thankfully helps with this because I can't carry the laundry back upstairs) and keep my house reasonably clean (except the kids' rooms and bathroom-not my territory, don't touch it).  You could say that I'm a busy person.  By 8 o'clock I'm ready to drop and I usually do.  I'm achy, tired and usually don't have use of at least a limb or two by then.  My back is calling me unsavory names and my eyes don't even want to work anymore.  How do I do all of this considering my health?  I don't have a clue.  I just live by the adage, if I don't do it no one else will. 

Right now, it's Friday afternoon, the work week is almost over and I'm in so much pain that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  Do I do that? No!  OK, I don't want you to get the idea that I'm some sort of superwoman because I am not.  I'm just simply Fibromama.